Sunday, June 7, 2015

Reflection Post (6-7-2015)

On Wednesday night, my dad had to go to Best Buy to get a GoPro and I decided to come along. I had the time of my life while I was there. I spent about 15 minutes playing Super Smash Bros, and then saw all the Apple products so I took pictures of myself on every different Apple device they had there. Then I found another computer that was touch screen so I checked the weather for the next week, found it was going to be hot, and got disappointed and left that computer. After that, I found another computer that had a stylus and drew pictures on the computer with it. I kept going on like this, from computer to computer until I would get bored of one and my dad said we were leaving.
Since I have been in critical thinking I have realized that I constantly get temporarily absorbed in various technologies or forms of medias, but it doesn't really fulfill me. I get bored very quickly, and need to be stimulated in some other way quickly. I'm thankful that I now know this, because I can more effectively keep myself from caring more about media than real life. I have become aware of how much I really listen to advertisements and now when I see them I rarely even listen to what they're saying, I just try and find the hidden message. I also have found that I am annoyed with everyone else who doesn't understand how manipulated we are by different forms of media surrounding us. I don't think media literacy is vital, I mean millions of Americans live their lives without thinking twice about implicit or explicit messages. However, now that I know a little bit more about it, I don't want to go back to not knowing about it. Now I feel that I can have a tiny bit more individuality than I have had in the past, even though I still engage in lots of media.
A lot of this blog was me writing posts last minute about things I wasn't super interested in. I'll give you that one. But, it did force me to pay much more attention to media around me on a regular basis, not just at 7 in the morning. When I saw ads, I would think of them in terms of topics we learned in critical thinking, not how much I wanted to be like a celebrity, or buy a product. I have formed a habit of that now. When I see ads, I have a game that I play of trying to find the different messages and techniques that are being used before I actually think of the product. I also am always wondering how different our world would be if everyone could think about media instead of just absorbing it into their personality and being. That one I don't think I'll ever know the answer too though.


Sunday, May 31, 2015

(5-31-2015)

Newspapers and all that jazz have been around for ages. The way a newspaper works is there's a title to an article that is vague, and the five or so paragraphs in the article tell you the dirty details. I know an epidemic that has been plaguing our nation is our lack of reading, especially in the youth. Lately, people haven't even been reading entire newspaper articles. My New York Times app only lets me read 10 free articles a month, so titles are everything in knowing what I should look into. However, most of the time I don't end up reading any of them because the title tells me everything I have to know.
I know, titles can tell you a lot. If the title to an article is "Ireland Legalizes Gay Marriage" that's wonderful, but no one is curious enough anymore to know anymore. Details are going out of style. People think they can get by in life only knowing the title of an article, but that's not how the world works. Only reading titles forces us into smaller and smaller bubbles and eventually we will just suffocate with this terrible lack of knowledge! Colonists didn't decide they wanted freedom in the Revolutionary War by knowing big ideas. They knew the whole story. Journalism is dependent on titles to get people intrigued, not to share the whole story.
Maybe we just don't have the patience for reading anymore. We did learn from some expert readers in the beginning of the semester that even they can't read for extended periods of time anymore because we get distracted too easily. If an article looks too long, why even start it? This also applies to how I feel about all of the media blogs. I will be the first to admit that all the people in this class that I care about, I already can ask their opinion on things, and I don't need to read their entire blog to learn that opinion a second time. I think we all agree when we say no one has read anyone's media blog because they care about their opinion, but because comments are required. Comments are the only thing keeping our media blogs and our class as a whole from falling into complete chaos and separation. 
I promise I won't get offended if no one reads this article either. Who's going to read a post with no title but the date?

Trying to rekindle my love for the paper. Will we ever be how we used to be?

Materialism (5-31-2015)

Yesterday I noticed something that really bothered me. Now I am very sad. Griffin, Clayton, Ben, and I were shooting our music video and we accidentally shot a hole through my neighbors brand new window with a BB gun. Maybe we weren't doing that good at shooting the video. The window's going to cost a few hundred dollars to replace and my parents were pissed. I'll admit that I cried a bit while my parents scolded me about this window. I also noticed that I cried a bit earlier that day when I lost the $20 I needed to go to breakfast. Some may say I was just getting emotional, but I didn't really cry when my dog died. I think I have become overly materialistic.
I do my best to limit my phone time, but I live in a family, and a world, where money is highly stressed. If  a phone screen breaks, or no one has access to the computer, all hell breaks loose. If my sister won't let me use the computer for my media blogs, I will yell at her and my mom until she lets me use it. I cringe if my meal anywhere is going to be over $7 or so. To relax in the evenings, I don't talk to my family, I watch television.
I saw a girl at the AT&T store last week trying to figure out how much she should be paying for her phone. From what I heard, her aunt and her share the bill, and she was paying way more money than she should be every month, and it was really putting a schism in their relationship. The girl asked the AT&T lady if it was "fair" or "acceptable" for her aunt to be paying less of the bill than her. The lady at AT&T didn't know what to say, and I think I know why! Your aunt isn't torturing you or restricting you from human contact, she's just trying to share a phone bill with you! That should never have to be the reason that your family relationships are in jeopardy, or any relationship.
I was told yesterday that I am too impulsive to maintain human relationships because I am careless and break dishes about twice a month and a break phones a lot. I don't think that our relationship with media is always the issue, but our relationship with things. You can't judge a person's ability to be with other people on their ability to handle things, it's not the same ballpark. But it's also something I can't change. I'm clumsy, but I have a lot of love for everyone and those things shouldn't be dependent on one another! But I also can't say that I don't put things first. I can't help that I cried because we broke the neighbor's window, but I need to know that it's just a window!! That BB could have hit someone's head. Yes, my parents will be out a few hundred dollars now, and I really want to tell them that it's just money and it doesn't matter. But it does matter to them. And me. And anyone who's ever held money in their hands and bought something with it. Nothing is free anymore, and it's really changing how humans interact and respect one another. I just wish that my connection with things, especially money, wasn't as strong as it is. That is why I am sad.

This is my dog at the cemetery. She's really funny and always listens to what I have to say and we're dying anyway so I might as well care more about her than my coin purse.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Pitch Perfect 2 (5-26-2015)

Over the weekend I went to see Pitch Perfect 2. I remember enjoying all of the first movie, the characters, the songs, and their devotion to acapella! I went into the second Pitch Perfect movie knowing a lot more about media, and how different people or products are portrayed in media.
This movie is aimed towards teenage girls, probably ages 12-17. This is obvious because it is a comedy about a bunch of singing college girls who all share a dorm and get into pillow fights, but there are a few other ways that I noticed the target market. In the final performance, there was a team from Germany performing, made entirely of extremely good looking young people. In their songs, the girls are wearing fairly modest clothes, but the boys have on totally see-through mesh shirts. The ratio of girls to guys was very high, making the guys look more masculine and attractive. Even the main group of girls are all dressed modestly (considering how girls in the media normally dress) which was weird, but I realized it was because the girls in this movie aren't as much of sex symbols as they are role models to the target audience. The only people intended to be sex symbols in this film are the young, leather-clad, German men.
The main acapella group, the Barden Bellas, are also ethnically and socially diverse. The main character is still the normal beautiful white girl, but she is surrounded by people of all backgrounds! There is an African American lesbian, a Latin American girl, a fat white girl (everyone's favorite: Fat Amy), an Asian girl, and a redhead. However, I noticed that whenever the Latin American girl talks, it's about goats or getting kidnapped. All of her lines consist of "back in my country..." and there is always some confusion on which country she is really from. The lesbian girl only ever makes sexual comments to other girls, which are turned down every time. All the stereotypes around the main girl make her look like the only normal one. Although this movie is marketed for girls of many different demographics, it relies heavily on stereotypes for its humor.
The girls also go to a car show, where Volkswagen logos and the word itself are plastered everywhere. This could be because of families all going to see the film together who might want to look into buying a Volkswagen. There are constant makeup bags or signs for Covergirl, which I noticed throughout the film. Later I learned that Covergirl sponsored the movie, which made sense, but the whole thing still felt like a commercial to me. I was eventually paying more attention to the product placement than I was to the actual movie. I guess that's what critical thinking does to you!!
Don't worry about me I still think it was a funny movie, money well spent. I just now notice different variables that go into the movie and how they are dependent on the moviegoers.

You might not see this image in a movie aimed towards boys...

Monday, May 25, 2015

Political Efficacy (5-25-2015)

Since the British colonies became the United States of America in 1776, we have been constantly misrepresenting our people. It is not misrepresentation in the taxation sense, but rather in the race and gender sense. Our constitution was written and put into action by white men, and they continued being our leaders until 2008. Women and blacks didn't have full rights until late in the 20th century, and they still are not properly represented in our government.
The movie Missrepresentation highlights specifically how females aren't equally represented or treated fairly in politics. For example, while women represent 51% of our population, they make up only 17% of Congress. Less and less girls want to run for office as they mature. Why? Because it isn't realistic. Our country depends on the idea that any male has a better chance in D.C. than a female. White, Christian, upper-class, and older men that is. Missrepresentation claims that this leads to a lack of "political efficacy" for women, basically having a voice in government. In the media, if there is an issue in government and someone speaks out on that issue, women are seen as "complaining" about it. Men are seen as "telling" us about it. This undermines even the small role that women have right now.
Don't get me wrong, there are definitely still powerful women in our government. When this movie was made, Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton were both big names. Palin was constantly sexualized, giving men boners instead of focusing on the content of what she said. Clinton, an older woman, was seen as a "bitch" for also just stating her ideas. Neither person can really get their ideas across because people are too worried about their looks or the way they present themselves (like being a bitch). One newscaster said on his show that women might be good in office without the PMS and mood swings. Stereotypes and treatment like this puts the United States two steps behind in political efficacy for all. Women can do a lot of things in America, but being a respectable person in government isn't one of them.

    
Photoshopped pictures of Sarah Palin. What a turn on. But what a horrible candidate.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

19 Kids and Counting (5/21/2015)

As a kid I loved watching the show 19 Kids and Counting. How can you have 19 kids??? I only have one sibling, imagine living in an isolated, extremely religious house with 18 siblings! I could binge watch this show simply based on how different their lives were from mine.
The girls on this show wore skirts to their knees. Everyone was home schooled. Sex and partying were out of the question. Makes you think all these kids are saints. Today I learned that's not true!
Josh Duggar, the oldest son in the family with three kids of his own already and a fourth on the way, allegedly assaulted several young girls, some of whom are his sisters in his young teenage years. I read about this in an article by The Huffington Post, which quoted the family on the issue. They used many terms to describe his actions.
In the short article, various family members refer to Josh molesting young girls as "wrongdoings", "wrong road", "difficult times", and "bad mistakes". Not once in either the son's nor the father's statement do they actually address what happened, or say Josh's consequences. In fact, Josh didn't even have to serve jail time, because the matter wasn't reported until over 3 years after it happened.
Both of the statements were from men. None of the girls or other family members involved were asked about how they feel on this issue, just people in power who make Josh's "mistakes" look like, well, mistakes. This show is getting bad publicity now no matter what. I am disappointed that they couldn't have a quote from a female family member on the issue, something that maybe didn't look upon the family as God's children in this case.
I think that the euphemisms used by the family aren't just for them to be seen better in God's eyes, but the media's eyes as well. Not clearly addressing that you sexually offended your siblings might get you in a tiny bit less trouble than you would have gotten in otherwise.  The family actually referred to this action as something needed to be forgiven by God, making in completely non secular and drifting away from the issue. Reading the father's statement, you can see that he turned it into a lesson from God, preaching to all readers. This is absolutely horrible. Not only should people need to live up to their actions, but no media outlet should let them turn this into a positive thing, that will "cause you to see the kindness of God and learn that He can bring you through anything."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/21/josh-duggar-apologizes-child-molestation_n_7417688.html




Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Victoria's Secret (5-20-2015)

I've been shopping at Victoria's Secret since I was in eighth grade. All of my friends love it there, and whenever I go in, it's filled with girls my age to mid twenties. It's always packed! I think this is because Victoria's Secret delivers something that all girls want to achieve in some way: sexy. Buying Victoria's Secret makes you feel like the perfectly fit models they use to advertise their products. However, I know that when I put on anything from that store I just feel disappointed in myself for not looking like them.
Victoria's Secret is telling teens that looking like the models in their advertisements is the only way to be sexy. How do you look like their models? Buy their swimsuits, lingerie, or any other clothing or perfume they are selling. I've been wanting to look just like their "angels" and "bombshells" since middle school. They are acting under the reality assumption that many young girls want to look sexy and are unhappy with their current bodies, they sell unattainable standards for girls to reach. It is almost impossible for girls to look like the supermodels that they are surrounded by, especially while they are still growing and some still going through puberty.

This is an ad that I remembered seeing once and found online as well. It is promoting a variety of new bra fits, so every girl can find the perfect "body" of their bras.
The term "The Perfect Body" is a double meaning, which anyone can see by simply living in this culture and looking at the picture. All of the girls in the image have the "perfect" body that everyone in this culture, including those shopping at this store, desire. Girls are encouraged to somehow get this perfect body, and can do this by having the perfect "body" in their bra. 
Nationwide, teens are surrounded by images such as this, creating unrealistic ideals for both genders. In Merchants of Cool, teens also found themselves as huge consumers of whatever media was presented to them. Girls found their bodies to be more valuable than themselves. That was 15 years ago, and this issue has not gotten any better. Humans are still surrounded by all of these images all the time, more now than 15 years ago. This ad is a norm. If this pattern continues, by 2030 you could only expect girls to be acting like they are in their twenties when they haven't reached puberty more so than today. Maybe models will roam city streets in their underwear encouraging people to buy a bra! I just hope that someday my children aren't as scrutinized by our culture as people today are. 



Thursday, May 14, 2015

Younger Audiences Take on Media (5/7/15)

Black women haven't historically been the most respected demographic in America. Through much of the 20th century, black people and women alike didn't have the same rights and opportunities as white men. Although we don't label ourselves as racist anymore, many magazines and advertisements still choose skinny white women as models over black women. For women today, self image is everything. I know it is for me. Little girls are bombarded with "perfect" girls from different media outlets surrounding them.
The media is quickly reaching people of younger and younger ages every year. I wasn't really affected by their ideal of perfect until about fifth grade, or age 10. However, I found a video the other day of a little girl (aged 3 or 4) crying to her mother because she is "brown", as she refers to herself. The girl implies that she is ugly because of her skin color.
Her mother reminds her of many beautiful women that they know who are also brown, and even some of the girl's friends who are beautiful. The mother has to sternly remind her that black people can achieve great things, and your skin color doesn't make you any less of a person than a white girl. At the end of the video, the girl believes her mother, but I wonder if it was a temporary belief. That poor little girl will definitely be exposed to more body shaming and more "perfect" girls as she matures.
The video does not state if she had this negative idea of herself because of her friends or peers or something she saw in the media. It might be a combination of all three. I found it fascinating that girls at such a young demographic can already be so impacted by various influences around them. One of the most astonishing parts of the video was the girl's age, and how she hates something so much that she will never be able to change about herself. The age this girl is at is for learning how to read, not how to hate your own heritage. Without a mother's love or someone to keep you believing in yourself, how can millions of girls like her who are looked down on everyday grow as humans?

Link to the video on Tumblr: http://encourage.tumblr.com/post/118902283357/humbledhoney-maybeonedayjustnottoday

Sac Bee advertising itself? (5/14/15)

I was looking through the newspaper today after school and noticed an advertisement for the Sac Bee, within the Sac Bee. I'm still not totally sure what the advertisement was accomplishing.



It was encouraging getting the newspaper delivered to your door, but saying there is going to be something different about the paper now. However, the never really said what this change was going to be. They use adjectives like "in-depth", "interesting", and "engaging", but shouldn't all newspapers already have these qualities? What are they trying to promote with those words to people who have already been reading this paper for decades?
 The ad is trying to appeal to older people, by suggesting that you wake up at dawn, and have a cup of coffee, and a traditional newspaper, and you need something "easy on the eyes". Two words that were underlined in the ad were "good" and "you", emphasizing that this new plan is good for you, and manufactured for you. But what is this change in the paper?
I found this advertisement counterproductive. The name of it is "The Morning Ritual", and words like "traditional" are used. With an older target audience who already subscribes to the paper, why bring about this change? The people in the picture appear to be very happy, so why would they want a different newspaper? This advertisement did not make any sense to me.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Trader Joe's, My One True Love (5-7-2015)

Last week in critical thinking we watched a documentary called "The Persuaders". This documentary is about advertising and media today (although it was made in 2004), and how different ads or campaigns are made for consumers. One specific term that was used in the video was "lovemarks" or a brand that you love and has an iconic place in your heart. This love might go beyond reason. Consumers love and are loyal to these companies much like a dog loves its owner.
Although I've never seen a name for it before, I have been experiencing lovemarks within myself or seeing them around me throughout my life. In middle school, I borderline worshiped One Direction. I begged my mom for any magazine that had their faces on it, and followed all of the boys and their friend's on Twitter. Some of the time, I didn't even like the clothes they wore or the music they made. Come to think of it, I have no idea where my love for them came from. However, I stayed totally attached to that band until the end of eighth grade.
In middle school I also witnessed many of my friends start to wear clothing from Brandy Melville, Abercrombie, or Hollister. Every girl had the same perfume on, and a similar variation of a few shorts or shirts. Every girl would buy the same Brandy Melville top, and became incredibly loyal to that store in particular. That too has died down, but I still own several articles of clothing from all of those stores. I notice that whatever is "in", everyone of a certain group will seem to develop a sort of a lovemark for.
Today I am definitely attached to Trader Joe's, Apple, Victoria's Secret, and In N Out. I find myself even arguing with other people who don't use these brands (people with an Android instead of an iPhone). Every time we drive by an In N Out, my friends and I chant the restaurant name hoping our parents will take us there. I get texts from Victoria's Secret, so I am constantly going into the store whenever there is a sale. I can't remember the last time I went to the mall and didn't buy anything from there. Lastly, I have been going to Trader Joe's all my life. I definitely have an attachment to their chocolate covered espresso beans and orange chicken (but not paired together!). Every time my mom needs something from the store, I'll be the first to volunteer to go to Trader Joe's and get it. I love the environment there, and it reminds me of my childhood. Trader Joe's is a lovemark I've always had and I think I always will have.
I know that it's just another nationwide organic grocery store, but it's also my grocery store. Without it, I don't know what I'd do when I need chocolate chips for cookies. Trader Joe's has always had my back. It's like one of my closest friends, and we live really close to each other so we get to see each other. I still don't know why I love Trader Joe's so much but something about the free samples and coffee makes me love this store unconditionally.
None of the workers at Trader Joe's actually know me by name, but I think we know each other. They always help me with whatever I need and give me lollipops when I find hidden treasure in the store. Running around with mini grocery carts makes me feel like I'm a giant but also makes me feel like I'm 5 again. Maybe that is because they are intended for 5 year olds, but they make me look taller than I am. If there is one company that I have lovemarked, it is my old pal Trader Joe's.


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Police Brutality or Aggressive Policing? (4/30/2015)

Any person following the news in America today would be aware of riots happening in Baltimore due to the unfair death of Freddie Gray, a black citizen, at the hands of police officers. Similar riots happened in Ferguson, Missouri after the court decided to let white police officer Darren Wilson walk away after killing young black man Michael Brown. Many citizens are being reminded of the civil rights movement of the 60s, but this is 2015. Clearly, it is difficult for many citizens and news sources to address what is going on.
I read many articles about riots due to police brutality in Baltimore right now. However, many sources feel uncomfortable with the terms "riot" and "police brutality" because this is America, and we're a model country. Right? Sure. 
In an interview by the New York Times with Martin O'Malley, who used to be the governor of Maryland, both sides only used the term "aggressive policing" as opposed to a much harsher sounding "police brutality" or "abuse of power". I know, it's hard to think that here in America such a thing is possible, but what name do we give to dozens of black people being disproportionately killed by police officers? "Police brutality" will obviously offend many proud Americans, but it's hard to sugarcoat problems like this. "Aggressive policing" makes this seem like much smaller of a problem than it really is. 
Another newspaper, "Above the Law", had something to say about this. They didn't address the riots in Baltimore, but rather, the "civil unrest". Hundreds of people of all demographics setting fire to stores and cars and protesting nationwide is no more than "civil unrest". Or maybe that's just easier to read. "Riots" may evoke negative images, like death and destruction. "Civil unrest" sounds more like dissatisfied Americans trying to prove a point. It does not evoke violent images. And how dare people think that anything police-related today in America is violent!
George Orwell's "Politics and the English Language" helped me to identify these phrases that I may have not paid much attention to before. He writes, "Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging, and sheer cloudy vagueness". These two phrases used multiple times in articles do just that. Instead of simply telling the people the truth, they use less offensive, less scary phrases that we can handle. What is aggressive policing and civil unrest? Neither articles go on to explain that, so how can readers truly know the extent of this issue? Orwell's article was published 70 years ago, just after World War II ended. Today he would not be satisfied with the problems he discussed in his work still being relevant.
Orwell also states that many words are used "with intent to deceive". How can our nation really grasp what is happening with different phrases about the same problem being thrown at us everywhere we look? They may be used to help a side sound more empathetic. A former governor does not want to attack the police (although officers don't seem to have an issue with it). He can still address the issue by using terms like "aggressive policing" to give Americans a less clear idea of the issue, and not have to pick a side in the argument. Words can be used to deceive, trick, and sway people. It is vital to know when this is being done, so our minds aren't sugarcoated as well.

Civil unrest in Ferguson this past winter.

"Product Placements" in iCarly (4/30/2015)

One of my all time favorite shows while growing up was "iCarly", and Nickelodeon. This show is about two teenage girls (Sam and Carly) in Seattle hosting a comedy web show in Seattle. Both of the girls had pear phones that they were constantly on, that always had new updates and features in the show. As the show got older, so did I, and I began noticing similarities between their phones and the company Apple. The girls had pear computers, phones, and eventually pear pads, as did all of the other characters on the show. As Apple's iPhones, laptops, and iPad's advances, these technologies would show up in "iCarly" in the form of a pear phone. They even had a pear on the back of the phone, as iPhone have an apple on the back of theirs.
I wasn't aware of product placement at the time, but that is what I thought this to be. Obviously their pear phones were supposed to be Apple's iPhones! At one point I even thought they just mistaken the brand name and had intended to use iPhones on the show.
However, besides the obvious Apple references on the show, there are a lot more real world connections that they made, without it actually being considered placed advertising. A popular hangout for the kids on the show is The Groovy Smoothie, with interior colors similar to that of Jamba Juice. In one episode, Carly's older brother makes a giant coffee cup and fills it with coffee. The brand name on the cup? Skybucks Coffee. The design on the cup was very similar to Starbucks as well. They go out to eat in a restaurant called BF Wangs, which rhymes with popular real world restaurant PF Changs. An even more secret hidden reference: in one episode a younger character is seen reading a book titled "Nifty Shades of Beige". This is also an obvious parody of the book and now movie "50 Shades of Grey", which normally wouldn't be shown on a kids show.
Most kids shows wouldn't have nearly as much "advertising" as iCarly got away with. However, this wasn't placed advertising, it was a mimic of it. It is rare for a television show to devise a whole new phone brand, coffee brand, or even book for a kid to read. iCarly did just that. Even every episode title was formatted with the letter "i" before what happens in the episode, just like the series title.
Don't get me wrong, I was definitely surrounded with Starbucks and Apple and Jamba Juice ads all around me my entire childhood. But iCarly incorporated them in a way that made me want the products more than any commercial could. I idolized Sam and Carly since the first episode I watched. Seeing them in a giant Skybucks cup or visiting the Pear store not only reminded me of those real world products, but it made me want them because the girls had them. Product placement in television shows has not always worked for me, especially if I don't like the characters. But this show based on parodies of product placements affected me more than ever, as I still surround myself with many of those products today.

All that little Della wanted to do after this was swim in a giant Starbucks cup!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

My Relationship with Media

I remember being eight or nine when I started watching television more often. I don't recall every commercial or movie I watched, but I do remember going to see The Simpsons Movie and watching a Fox advertisement in the movie. I thought that was strange, maybe just for theaters. However, when we bought the movie later on, it was also on the disc! Since seeing a television ad blinking at me in a movie I bought, I became more aware of media. Sadly, I have totally bit into this new norm, letting it run circles in my mind when I am not around technology. As I've gotten older, I've spent less time reading, writing, sewing, or even talking to my family, as I've spent increased time with Netflix, social media, texting, and various video games. I see this happening every day, but it's easier to be alone and entertain myself with technology more and more. I wish that I wasn't so absorbed in this world that seems to suck the creativity out of you, but I can't help it.